In my past facilitation work we always used ice breakers. Some of my favorite ones were everyone telling the group where their name comes from. Naming is a laden task not only for babies, but for pets, and perhaps houses and camps, and maybe even cars. Naming the feelings that come up with names is also a thing.
Another ice breaker – and this one I saved for seasoned groups who knew how to check their egos at the door, who knew how to hold other people’s comments in wonder and confidence, and who were ready to expose themselves a bit more than they had in the past – was to have two people sit across from each other and look in each other’s eyes for one minute. You have never experienced eternity until you have done this exercise. But it’s oh so good – I once looked into the eyes of a man I have never seen since, but I still see his pale blue eyes and each wrinkle that surrounded them.
I was in therapy yesterday, and we were speaking about the past two weeks’ events. I was talking about this person I’m interested in, and how they sent a text where they shared their exploits with me. Adam asked me how I felt in my body (he loves this question) when I read the text. I said, “I felt gross. GROSS. Gross that they are doing this, gross that they are sharing this, and gross that they think I want to be any part of this.”
But that isn’t what I had told them. I told them simply that I feel sad when they share this information with me. I said I need to not hear this. I used my feeling statement instead of judging their behavior. They have made it clear they want to live in a world of stimulation, a constant buzz despite the recovery ether we both now breath in, and I have made myself clear from jump – I’m here for intimacy, the final frontier. I want, need and deserve a Higher Love.
I am aware of this.
Yesterday, I came home from a long day of errands, and there was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, with the sweetest note that even now brings tears to my eyes. It was from one of my neighbors who said she was so sorry to hear about Lord Chill. She told me, “I loved your kitty!”
The world is filled with love. Everywhere I look there is love. I love, I am loved. My cat, Lord Chill, was loved AF! I know love. I know how to recognize what isn’t love.
I am seeking higher love in a partner – the transcendent kind that goes beyond stimulation and flows into transformation.
I have the capacity for it. I always have. I had to do a lot of healing, and Baruch HaShem, my son pushed me into a fire of truth to find myself, and thankfully, I have an amazing therapist who helped me navigate all the damn healing I had to do AND that fire and alchemy burned through a lot of what has kept me from fearlessly loving and now, I am ready for it. And I’m built for it.
I am aware of the fact that Higher Love may or may not happen in my lifetime.
And I am okay with knowing this, with continuing to be open to Higher Love, and with failing miserably at seeking it.
I am a pioneer in vulnerability and love. This is my work.
The Book of Alchemy by Suleika Jaouad arrived yesterday.
This writing came from the prompt by Dani Shapiro:
What would you write if you were not afraid?