I was speaking to a new source today who had a TIA stroke right when I was trying to get in touch with him. It was hard to talk about what I had called him for (even though we did get around to business), instead we spoke about our lives – he’s 57, has had a triple bypass and now has blockage and is having TIAs – I’m nearing 53 and don’t give a shit about anything I used to care about and my hair is falling out and I’m trying to recalibrate my entire nervous system.
I picked up a flyer for meditation down the street – I’m doing it come hell or high water I’ve decided – because I need to. He went back to church and got involved with helping others – he said it is the best stress relief in his life to know that he can help those less fortunate. He said his corporation is working to get him a less stressful job. I said good luck because it’s you, not your job.
I blamed the stress of my job for years but since I don’t have that job and yesterday was perhaps the most stressful day of my life because of Tin, a deadline, and me – I’d have to say the one constant was me. I was in tears by the afternoon and Tin had cried at least five times yesterday.
There comes a certain point in everyone’s life where what you did when you were younger just doesn’t serve you anymore. Being high strung, caring too much about everything and everyone and every detail till it hurts, and being a doer is LETHAL.
I want to be a slug. And I am going to be studying on that.