Today – oh what a day. I woke watching the Queen Palms almost blowing horizontally and it did not bode well for the kind of day it would be. I should have gotten up early but I took one look at the sky and turned over and slept till it was late chalking up 10 hours sleep last night.
I must have needed it.
Then Tin didn’t want to get up either so we began this day rushing and late. And it did not improve.
Once I got him in school and got back across town to sit at my desk things just went awry from every little detail that should have taken this amount of time it took that amount of time and before you know it, I was in the car turning around to get Tin, but now the sky had let loose its fury and again, I was running late.
There would be no playground so the substitute for kid energy was the Monkey Room but my ability to work from my iPhone proved challenging. While I sat there trying to figure out how to get the paper I needed to edit up on the phone, someone was pitching me on an idea for a business that they wanted me to do with them.
At that moment, the only endeavor I wanted to entertain was getting in the truck and heading to Mexico. Always my last resort.
The question is where does this urge to flee come from – most people just want to curl up in a ball and sit quiet somewhere and I want to jump in the truck and go, full pedal to the metal, go, till I can’t go anymore. It’s a metaphor for how I have lived my life thus far – take it to the limit and then collapse.
Only that isn’t working for me much these days. And a friend dropped me an email and reminded me I’m supposed to be taking 30 minutes today for myself. And to do what? I ask. What do I do for 30 minutes with myself, still, no go, no open road, no pedal to the metal.
I realized in wondering about this that I’m a freak and therefore, destined to have a snake pit in my belly for life. Is that possible? Or is that just a deadline, conference calls, a screaming child, a too short school day, a thunderstorm, a storm crazed dog, eight loads of laundry, and a real strong desire for a cigarette speaking?
The answer is blowing burning in the wind.