Last night the moon was gorgeous as it rose over the horizon beyond the bayou – the light was especially magical. But there was a melancholy mood in the air as one neighbor’s house guests were getting ready to depart this morning, and my other neighbor learned a good friend had lost his battle with cancer, and I was getting tired of my empty house and Tin’s toys being so perfectly arranged and Tatjana’s side of the bed inhabited by an ornery cat.
The word of today is katzenjammer, a word meaning distress, depression, clamor, uproar and how perfect a word for all the emotions of this household as I’ve finally realized I have no idea how to take care of myself since I’ve been running in place here all alone – cleaning, fixing, repairing – trying not to need anything. I think back to my days in college and the poem Kubla Khan, which represents to me inner chaos and tumbled emotions:
….
But, oh! That deep, romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill, athwart a cedarn cover:
A savage place! As holy and enchanted
As e’er beneath the waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her Demon Lover!
And from this chasm with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this Earth in fast, thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced,
….
I missed exercise to Skype with Tin but don’t you love that word katzenjammer – the wailing cat – but more like cats in pajamas – an image that is funny but not right.