I’m going to create a journal that has JOY on one side and PAIN on the other, and then I could just make a list. While I was in Arizona for this past visit with Tin, our cat, Lord Chill – Chilly, Chilly Willy Ding Dong, the chillest dude on the planet – went missing. I got home with my heart in my throat wondering and worried. Then as I was checking Wild Thing for…
Urban Dictionary: Do it “for the plot”: the conscious decision to see yourself as the main character of the story that is your life. You maintain the outlook that every moment – good or bad – is merely a plot point for your larger narrative. You are the writer, producer, director and star of your life. Start living unapologetically and give them a plot twist that no one saw coming. I did a vision quest…
I’ve come to feel a connection to Tucson. When I enter the stark desert light and drive past saguaros that look like phantoms, trees more barren than lush, and rock and gravel front lawns, I smile now. At first I was surprised by it all – an alien landscape, I called it – but now it is familiar. I was cruising down a main street lined with palo verde trees in brilliant bloom – a…
I lost all of my hair in early 2012. A friend had a book that correlated feelings to a physical condition and hair loss fell under humiliation. I hadn’t considered this feeling in the chaos of feelings I had at that time, but in hindsight it was appropriate. Leading up to my hair loss was a laundry list of loss – divorce, career, babies – it was a heady list that made losing my hair…
Over the last few years, a lot of my therapeutic work has been somatic. A friend suggested I read How to Stay Human in a Fucked Up World by Tim Desmond. On page 139, Desmond says a friend asked him, “When is the first time you can remember feeling exactly like this?” This is some mind blowing work. If you could go back in time and locate a reaction to an event(s) where you were…
Today marks two years since I decided to stop drinking. My mom was an alcoholic and people in my family have died or continue to live under its influence. I have married alcoholics. I have fallen for alcoholics. I have been attracted to alcoholics. I was fond of saying I am not an alcoholic, though I could be a lush. It wasn’t until I faced the truth of my son’s needs that I was able…
You arrive at a certain age and think you know the handbook, cover to cover, play by play, and yet you don’t. The reason you don’t is because you’ve changed and since what you do comes from what you know when you are entering something new – all you have is what you have experienced before to guide you. What if everything has changed? You wake up one day and so much time has passed…
Forget Everything And Run Face Everything And Rise A woman mentioned this the other day in my ACA meeting. I love delving into my fear – now that I know how to recognize it. I try to cut through my mental and physical chaos to get to what I’m feeling – especially when I am nervous, excited, overstimulated, fearful and believe a person is causing these feelings. I try to sink back into individuation –…
I met a man whose beliefs are different from mine. It made me stumble. I walk on firm footing of who is right and who is wrong. And he stands in the wrong lane. Which made me reel back and re-evaluate whether I dislike those who are wrong as much as I thought I do. If they are wrong, and he is wrong, then why are we still talking? I want to be with the…
Freedom. I want to be free of all of the heaviness of my past, all of the anxiety of my future, and all of the constraints I have learned to wrap myself in like a funeral shroud. I believe in avenues that will help me grow and become freer. And yet. I struggle with imaginary chains too much. I believe growth will come from following my bliss into my own adventure. I just bought the Vintage,…