{"id":22730,"date":"2025-07-25T08:54:53","date_gmt":"2025-07-25T13:54:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=22730"},"modified":"2025-07-25T08:54:56","modified_gmt":"2025-07-25T13:54:56","slug":"what-does-my-heart-want-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=22730","title":{"rendered":"What does my heart want to say?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I did a meditation this morning with Artist Morning, and Darius asked this question at the opening. What does my heart want to say?<\/em> Mine wants to say, I’m here, I’m vulnerable, and I can handle it. Ha! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the chat, someone said vulnerability<\/em> is a bridge. Yes, it is a bridge to another human, to the universe, to sorrow and to joy. And it begins with a brave heart. I’d like to think I have one, but oh does my heart need tending to because the true bridge that needs work with me is the one to myself. Lord today!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve not been a relationship with a partner since 2012 – 13 years! I’ve been in relationship with my son. I’ve learned to be in relationship with myself. But I’m still very cruel to myself. I have such judgment about how I look, what I don’t accomplish, what I don’t understand, and so my heart wants to say, today, to me – good grief, couldn’t you just love me for who I am? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I take measures. I say I love you, Rachel<\/em> to the mirror to remind myself to love myself. This was a habit formed after losing my hair. I cringe when I hear the way I speak to myself as I’m getting dressed. I tell myself I have done all that I could when I feel like I didn’t get through the endless to do lists of my life. I try to remember to breathe when I make a mistake because I’m moving faster than the speed of competency. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tell myself I’ve done my best. I’ve done what I could. I’ll write about the pillow on my bed that my friend designed from a gravesite which read: She Hath Done What She Could<\/strong> in another post. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is that although I know what to do to counteract the mean girl who sometimes takes control of my thoughts – I wonder how this unkindness took root? I know so many women who believe they are not good enough. Hell, I know a lot of people who believe they are not good enough. And they spend their lives believing it and trying to prove otherwise with limited success. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve wanted to sing my whole life – and I cannot. That feels sometimes like a failure. Well, I can sing – but I should not. I admire visual artists so much so that I have a beautiful collection of art that surrounds me. I walked into Studio Waveland, a treasure of a gallery that had a beautiful exhibit and saw this painting on the wall and was starstruck. <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
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There Just Isn’t Anything Left To Do Anymore<\/em> by Jeffrey Rinehart<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I saw my son in Arizona learning how to be a man in this painting, and it made me cry. It also gave me joy. What does my heart want to say to Tin? There wasn’t anything left I could do for you but to set you free on your own path. When I think of the kindness and the loving heart that I offer Tin, I bristle to think I am still learning to offer it to myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What does my heart want to say to me? Please love me<\/strong>. Damn it. I’m worth it. I’m good enough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I did a meditation this morning with Artist Morning, and Darius asked this question at the opening. What does my heart want to say? Mine wants to say, I’m here, I’m vulnerable, and I can handle it. Ha! In the chat, someone said vulnerability is a bridge. Yes, it is a bridge to another human, to the universe, to sorrow and to joy. And it begins with a brave heart. I’d like to think I… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":22731,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-main"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1kHSD-5UC","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dangermond.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Jeffrey-Rinehart-THere-Just-Isnt-Anything-Left-To-Do-Anymore-Oil-on-Panel-2k.jpg?fit=960%2C960&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22730","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22730"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22730\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22732,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22730\/revisions\/22732"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/22731"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}