{"id":22122,"date":"2025-02-04T08:44:58","date_gmt":"2025-02-04T13:44:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=22122"},"modified":"2025-02-04T16:38:49","modified_gmt":"2025-02-04T21:38:49","slug":"whatever-what-is-is-is-what-i-want","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=22122","title":{"rendered":"Whatever what is is is what I want"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Yesterday in a zoom meeting someone mentioned this poem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever happens. Whatever
what is<\/em> is is what
I want. Only that. But that.
~ Galway Kinnell
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then I got in bed, and read, and started falling asleep to words, and then I turned off the light. I pulled the covers up and began settling into a deeper breathing. I welcomed sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then I woke up two hours later. Some of the what is<\/em> was circling my brain. Why this, why that? I thought of old wounds. I thought of new wounds. I thought of why I suffer because I am not letting whatever what is<\/em> is, instead I am wondering why it was. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friend has been caring for a severely special needs boy whose home life has been a wreck. Another friend wound up in the hospital. Someone I know who lied so many times so long ago continues to reach from beyond with more lies and manipulation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you go to sleep with what is<\/em>? What is<\/em> is what I want (to accept) and yet, here I am at 1:13 am wondering why it is so. I began my Th\u00edch Nhat Hanh breathing – I’m breathing in, I’m breathing out. <\/em>I turned to my right side and cradled my pillow. I turned to my left side and now was thinking about things that have not happened that could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I lay on my back with my fists clenching the covers. Surely, something had stirred the machine, and so now instead of ridding myself of my thoughts, I began unearthing them, looking for the root cause of this disturbance that had flared. I am still reading Jon Fosse’s The Other Name<\/em>, it’s a tedious book to plow through at night so to treat myself, I read another chapter of Margaret McMullan’s Aftermath Lounge<\/em> before I got in bed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to reading, I’m not monogamous, instead I have two to three books going at any given time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Was it remembering Katrina as the 20th anniversary looms, was it my friend who is so good and kind and cares so much for children who suffered for a child, is it my son who deserves to have a clearer path to what is rightfully his, where was my tossing and turning coming from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After an hour, I picked up yet another book, an easy reading romance novel also by my bedside, and distracted myself with the mindless drama of other people so that I might sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I woke hungry for whatever what is<\/em> and the delight of hearing those words strung together on that call yesterday, a call with others like myself who are also seeking ways out of suffering and into accepting – whatever what is<\/em> is is what I want. <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/a>
photo by Marian Glaser – Bay Saint Louis, MS artist and photographer
and capturer of birds in their story<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday in a zoom meeting someone mentioned this poem: Whatever happens. Whateverwhat is is is whatI want. Only that. But that.~ Galway Kinnell And then I got in bed, and read, and started falling asleep to words, and then I turned off the light. I pulled the covers up and began settling into a deeper breathing. I welcomed sleep. And then I woke up two hours later. Some of the what is was circling my brain.… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1562,1545,1520,1563],"class_list":["post-22122","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-main","tag-galwaykinnel","tag-pelican","tag-vulnerability","tag-whateverwhatisisiswhatiwant"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1kHSD-5KO","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22122","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22122"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22122\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22127,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22122\/revisions\/22127"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}