{"id":12207,"date":"2011-04-27T16:02:41","date_gmt":"2011-04-27T21:02:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=12207"},"modified":"2011-04-27T16:11:04","modified_gmt":"2011-04-27T21:11:04","slug":"ode-to-contractors-possessing-various-levels-of-expertise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=12207","title":{"rendered":"Ode to Contractors Possessing Various Levels of Expertise"},"content":{"rendered":"

Alison Pelegrin<\/h2>\n
\n

ODE TO CONTRACTORS POSSESSING
\nVARIOUS LEVELS OF EXPERTISE<\/strong><\/h4>\n

This one’s a shout-out to the git-r-dones,
\nthe crowd since Katrina most idolized
\nand sucked up to\u2014seminude roofers,
\nhard hatters, electricians, tree doctors,
\nDitch Witch pilots dwelling in tent cities
\nor, like our lumberjacks, the Dollar General
\nparking lot. A round of drinks and first pick
\nof the MREs for you. Look\u2014one thing
\nI’ve learned is what you had to do, you did.
\nThey roughed it, and my hubby pimped me when
\nhe had me with my sweet voice make the calls.
\nSoon they came in pairs, like yin and yang,
\none to chain-smoke in the truck, the other
\nto get paid\u2014in our case, three grand up front
\nbefore Tangipahoa’s understudies
\nof beanpole-rotund Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
\nwould aim their crowbars at the fouled Sheetrock.
\nWith no other prospects, we hired them
\non the spot, feeling at once swindled
\nand spared on that first day and then the next
\nwhen nothing happened until dusk, and then
\nit came down all at once\u2014skeleton walls
\nand Sheetrock ready to float before we could
\nline up shingles or a roofer. Sometimes
\nthe vision doesn’t translate to the page.
\nI’m not even sure I’m mad with them
\nfor soaking brushes in my Calphalon
\nroasting pan and deciding we’d be fine
\nif they used the toilet as an ashtray.
\nBoys will be boys. They finished soon enough.
\nMaybe because we were nearing the end,
\nI liked the last ones best, Scientologists
\nout of Lafayette that we hired away
\nfrom a neighbor.\u00a0 I learned to barter with
\nthis crew, longnecks for the long lost secrets
\nof the split-jamb door. We had a routine
\ngoing. Morning call at six in our kitchen,
\ncoffee and chicory, kiss the shakes goodbye.
\nOne day we had the photo albums out,
\nlooking for a background shot of where
\nthe plastered-over phone jack used to be.
\nLike children, like the rest, they moved along
\nand never call. A fiction, what I knew so well.
\nNo proof but dirty thumbprints and memory
\nof their tattoos which slurred, “We’re into knives.”
\nA broken record, the blue lines of their body art\u2014
\ndagger, dagger, dagger, dagger, heart.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alison Pelegrin ODE TO CONTRACTORS POSSESSING VARIOUS LEVELS OF EXPERTISE This one’s a shout-out to the git-r-dones, the crowd since Katrina most idolized and sucked up to\u2014seminude roofers, hard hatters, electricians, tree doctors, Ditch Witch pilots dwelling in tent cities or, like our lumberjacks, the Dollar General parking lot. A round of drinks and first pick of the MREs for you. Look\u2014one thing I’ve learned is what you had to do, you did. They roughed… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12207","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-main"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1kHSD-3aT","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12207","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12207"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12210,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12207\/revisions\/12210"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12207"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12207"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}