{"id":11990,"date":"2011-04-08T10:28:57","date_gmt":"2011-04-08T15:28:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=11990"},"modified":"2011-04-08T10:29:06","modified_gmt":"2011-04-08T15:29:06","slug":"11990","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/?p=11990","title":{"rendered":"The Hummus Sexual"},"content":{"rendered":"

Michael Montlack<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/strong>The Hummus Sexual<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n
wears sandals but no Birkenstocks,
\nknowing his wardrobe already
\ntoo closely resembles Peppermint Patty\u2019s.His vintage shirts: garage-sale bargains
\n(not antique boutique rip-offs)\u2014
\nhe prefers a loose thread or barely discernable stain
\nto relieve his fear of being the first
\nto spoil a garment older than he is.<\/p>\n

He diets not for a Fire Island physique
\nbut to stay fit for his next trekking adventure:
\nsome primarily lesbian tour company
\nall his girlfriends talked him into taking.
\nThe only male on a dusty bus for three weeks
\n(though the gals assured him there\u2019d be more)
\nhe will have the best time.<\/p>\n

He goes to therapy for self-exploration not crisis.<\/p>\n

Considers giving up teaching for nursing
\n(or: social work for non profit, some such).<\/p>\n

He has no debts. He has no money.<\/p>\n

He does not wear Patchouli
\nand has not worn cologne
\nsince being told by three lovers
\n(consecutive not simultaneous)
\nthat his natural scent is like musk.<\/p>\n

In no way opposed to group sex,
\nhe will silently lecture with his eyes\u2014
\nand departure\u2014if anything unsafe occurs.
\n(Imagine his sandals squeaking
\non the cummy tiles as he heads for the door.)<\/p>\n

He is an activist not a politician.
\nA nudist not an exhibitionist.
\nLoves Radical Fairies but not enough
\nto be called\u00a0Tree<\/em> or\u00a0Prairie Dog<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Dislikes admitting he dislikes Chelsea Boys
\nbut understands:\u00a0they just have a case
\nof closet leftovers<\/em>\u2014an urgent desire to fit in.<\/p>\n

The first time he felt he didn\u2019t fit in
\nwas in an all-male bar\u2014so amazed
\nand disturbed by the artifice
\nof a completely womanless world.<\/p>\n

He can be seen as\u00a0easy going<\/em> or\u00a0wishy washy<\/em>
\nbut gets his aggression out in bed,
\napologizing afterwards for having left marks
\nand blaming his sudden second erection
\non his garlic-rich dinner.<\/p>\n

He loves his mother.
\nAnd he loves his father.<\/p>\n

He loves cock and balls
\nbut is certain god is a woman.<\/p>\n

He sends thank-you cards
\nfor all occasions\u2014in a sloppy hand\u2014
\nand doesn\u2019t stop after being told:
\nNo one sends thank-you cards anymore!<\/em><\/p>\n

He does yoga but not regularly.
\nPlays guitar or hacky sack (whichever one, poorly).
\nLongs for San Francisco but lives elsewhere.
\nLooks like he owns a Lab or Retriever
\nbut couldn\u2019t subject one to a cramped studio.
\nHas considered a commune and the Peace Corps.<\/p>\n

He feels certain his sexuality is a gift
\nand tries every now and then
\nto express it in a poem (of sorts).
\nHe\u2019ll read it to you after a few beers
\nand ask with eager delight
\nWhatcha think, whatcha think?<\/em>
\nthen buy the next round
\nfor being such a good listener
\nthough he knows you\u2019re already too drunk
\nto follow<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Michael Montlack The Hummus Sexual wears sandals but no Birkenstocks, knowing his wardrobe already too closely resembles Peppermint Patty\u2019s.His vintage shirts: garage-sale bargains (not antique boutique rip-offs)\u2014 he prefers a loose thread or barely discernable stain to relieve his fear of being the first to spoil a garment older than he is. He diets not for a Fire Island physique but to stay fit for his next trekking adventure: some primarily lesbian tour company all… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11990","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-main"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s1kHSD-11990","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11990","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11990"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11990\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12441,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11990\/revisions\/12441"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11990"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11990"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11990"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}