I share my kitchen with the 100 Men Hall and many times what is on my kitchen counter is not representative of me. Right now, there is an enormous bag of cashews, a super sized bag of Fritos half empty, a box of cocoa dusted chocolate truffles, and a pint of rum. I’ve committed to the health and vitality of my body this year and that means, physical therapy, massage and stretching, beginning to walk…
Before Steve and I married, there were moments that have now become seared in my memory where he said something, I felt something, and yet we went on as if nothing had happened. One of these moments happened right after we had had sex in his bed on the floor, on Mason Street, with the foggy light of the San Francisco summer, and the noise of the trolley clanging its way up the hill. “I…
Yesterday in a zoom meeting someone mentioned this poem: Whatever happens. Whateverwhat is is is whatI want. Only that. But that.~ Galway Kinnell And then I got in bed, and read, and started falling asleep to words, and then I turned off the light. I pulled the covers up and began settling into a deeper breathing. I welcomed sleep. And then I woke up two hours later. Some of the what is was circling my brain.…
I spent yesterday doing what I love: being around writers, readers and books. They haven’t figured out the venue or logistics, but Homegrown, a literary festival by the public library, is getting a lot of things right. I ran into a friend who I met when I first moved to Bay Saint Louis. A writer, photographer, journalist, jewelry maker and publisher, she moved away a couple of years ago. When she saw me, her eyes…
A recap of the last four weeks is contained in my buzzword: vulnerability. My community feels as if we are knee deep in troubled times, and I fall back on we’ve been here before – our shared history is resistance, and I believe in US. I am vulnerable to the fear I feel, they feel, we feel and I also know it is fear. In the last 30 days, I have met new people and…
I watched Questlove’s 50 years of SNL music history on Monday night at a friend’s house. I was 15 years old when the first episode aired. I realize it was radical television but hadn’t understood the groundbreaking thinking and eclectic music it introduced me to over the years. Songs of freedom, songs of resistance, songs of transformation. Prince was not Prince when he sang PartyUp on SNL then stormed off stage singing: You’re gonna have…
Yesterday was a day to reconsider my relationship to my choices. So many adults chose to behave like children stuck in their own wounding. Venal is a word that comes to mind for a few of these adults. A woman in Tucson who believes her own story of loss pocketed my money outright. A couple of adults have co-opted a gift meant for a loved one. And yet another adult chose to lash out like…
I’m falling all the way into the quagmire of vulnerability as I dismantle a few walls. Why? the idea would be to grow into a better version of myself. Maybe even work my way up a few rungs on the spiral of my life. This accepts that with more vulnerability will come more suffering, so it also means accepting I will suffer more. Years ago, I spent time with a zen master who told me…
Have you ever felt an intense sense of indignation? You want to grab a bullhorn to rail against the outrage you feel and then there is nothing you can do about it. So, bullhorn in hand, you rush to join the stage with the same clowns who have been trampling your trust and sadly realize you are now even more vulnerable because effectively you have joined their circus. Curses! You allow yourself to be vulnerable…
A friend gave me a gift, a book she came across that reminded her of me. It’s possible because it was written by a Jewish author, and has a lot of Jewish references, but the subject of the book is remorse. I read a page a day and it always leaves a wry smile on my face. So I’d like to lean into remorse for a moment. I want to lean into the lack of…