I’m falling all the way into the quagmire of vulnerability as I dismantle a few walls. Why? the idea would be to grow into a better version of myself. Maybe even work my way up a few rungs on the spiral of my life. This accepts that with more vulnerability will come more suffering, so it also means accepting I will suffer more. Years ago, I spent time with a zen master who told me…
Have you ever felt an intense sense of indignation? You want to grab a bullhorn to rail against the outrage you feel and then there is nothing you can do about it. So, bullhorn in hand, you rush to join the stage with the same clowns who have been trampling your trust and sadly realize you are now even more vulnerable because effectively you have joined their circus. Curses! You allow yourself to be vulnerable…
A friend gave me a gift, a book she came across that reminded her of me. It’s possible because it was written by a Jewish author, and has a lot of Jewish references, but the subject of the book is remorse. I read a page a day and it always leaves a wry smile on my face. So I’d like to lean into remorse for a moment. I want to lean into the lack of…
Last night, my friend who is a pizza master held a house party to raise funds for the people who lost their homes in the L.A. wildfires. Nearly everyone at the gathering is a seasoned survivor of natural disaster. You don’t survive unscathed; we all have PTSD from Katrina that was not addressed then, or a decade later, and now, twenty years later, has still not been integrated into an understanding of the psyche of…
Beethoven’s Ode to Joy is a call for a return to the divine dimension of being human – fraternity, bound together in community, and all of the universal friendship tropes stitched together. Last night, I experienced this great joy. Yesterday, Friday, closing out the week, was a day of being pulled in multiple directions with the always expanding to do list that begs me to complete it and yet taunts me with additions. I got…
Over the last 24 hours, I have spoken to loved ones about connection. A friend trying to connect with her husband of decades, a mother trying to connect with her adult son, and a friend trying to connect with her sister. The building blocks of relationships are never clean – cuts are made, slights are stored, memories accumulate – and it seems nigh impossible to have a beginner’s mind with so much history calcified. I’m…
Late into a big event we had the Hall, I started limping around. I had been up since 3:30am getting ready and by the time I hit the 12-hour mark of continuous movement, lifting, squatting, my body started resisting. The very next day after lifting, moving and squatting to pick up the chairs and wipe down the tables and set up for the next event, I thought to myself – just get me through the…
Someone wrote they lost their home in Pacific Palisade, and I went online to see about the damage, having only thought of the area as L.A. – a whole swath of Southern California. Most of the Pacific Palisades headlines talked about the dangers of wanting to live in a beautiful place and how insurance was sure to leave the area. It reminded me of the aftermath of Katrina when my cousin’s husband in Florida said,…
This is my missive to you, whoever you are. I’m calling in your support in an area of my life that I need guidance with – how’s this for vulnerable? I would like to know how to do all that I want to do in life and not burn out, not exhaust myself, not end up with no time left for me. What this would look like is I could say no to doing all…
I belong to so many support groups, it is mind blowing. I’m in a parent support group, a parent coaching group, an alumni parent support group, a two-hour adult children of alcoholics group, my own therapy and then there is the improv class. The improv class is scary. Vulnerable scary. You get all your fears activated right up front – I’m not that smart, that clever, that quick, that creative – oh, the list is…