Last night, we went to the new bar on the Embarcadero, the Waterbar, to drink a toast to T’s birthday and then we walked over to the Slanted Door. We were with a friend who was in the country coincidentally at the same time we were in San Francisco, so it was a nice treat for T’s birthday.<\/p>\n
He made the comment at one point in describing himself as saying “it’s all love and guilt” with me. And I concurred.<\/p>\n
This morning, I got up again at the buttcrack of dawn and flew to Los Angeles for a day of meetings, but on arrival got a call that mom had gone code blue and that I should come home now. The ensuing eight hours were filled with T’s trying to find me a flight home, my putting my grief in my back pocket, and waiting for the next call from New Orleans.<\/p>\n
The next call came several hours later and it was that mom had stabilized – again the electrical currents used to revive her also corrected the arrhythmia that escalated when her lungs failed her. Another save? Perhaps not.<\/p>\n
When I think about what medical care is at this point in life – I wonder what the hell the Republicans could possibly know about death panels. Most of our health care costs goes into keeping elderly people “alive” – and I want no part of it.<\/p>\n
I vow to have a poison pill by my beside and if I can’t administer it, I know that T would if I asked her.<\/p>\n
I think about the last time I have thought about my mother in a tender moment as the past four months and days have been one long heart dredging anxiety ridden path to nowhere.<\/p>\n
And yet here another long day’s journey has ended where I begun – consumed by love and guilt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last night, we went to the new bar on the Embarcadero, the Waterbar, to drink a toast to T’s birthday and then we walked over to the Slanted Door. We were with a friend who was in the country coincidentally at the same time we were in San Francisco, so it was a nice treat for T’s birthday. He made the comment at one point in describing himself as saying “it’s all love and guilt”… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5207","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-main"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1kHSD-1lZ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5207","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5207"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5209,"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5207\/revisions\/5209"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5207"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5207"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dangermond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}