Orphaned Old I feel less lucky since my parents died. Father first, then mother, have left me out in a downpour roofless in cold wind no umbrella no hood no hat no warm native place, nothing between me and eyeless sky. In the gritty prevailing wind I think of times I’ve carelessly lost things: that white-gold ring when I was eight, a classmate named Mercedes Williams, my passport in Gibraltar, my maiden name. MARIE PONSOT
T’s hosting a conference this week and I get to be the professor’s wife. I must admit this is a role I was born to do – doll up, put out a spread, and entertain! I could have been one of those wives to a big important business man husband but somewhere a long time ago even though the life I thought I was going to have was one where I was a contributor not…
I wish sometimes life wasn’t so basic but two days ago I was feeding my mother pudding in small baby bites and making cooing noises at her. Two days ago our baby was almost born prematurely. I lay on the floor in yoga and felt the presence of that child and started crying – a sort of wracked with joy and fear type of crying – I had just completed two hours of downward dog…
I had this very vivid dream last night. My mother was decked to the nines as she was always want to do – even when she was mostly crippled from the peripheral neuropathy she was teeter tottering on high heels that she should have thrown away a million years ago. In the dream, she appeared at my front door, her hair perfectly coifed, her nails manicured, her clothes crisp white linens. And she had on…
Trying a different approach to Monday – usually it’s zoom out of bed, zoom to the park, zoom to my desk and then zoom through the day. NEW STRATEGY: Slow down, take stock, balance the urgency and priority of all new inputs and take a long deep breath before reacting.
Apparently Bill C was in Kosovo for a gold statue of him that was unveiled – they were cheering his bombing campaign of former Yugoslavia – the Albanians were hailing it as a freedom fight. I know at least one Serb who would beg to differ – what she remembers are the Americans bombing not Serb soldiers but innocent women and children. Ah, the spoils of war.
Saturday night, my brother came over and rolled homemade sushi and friends came over and we hung out on the porch and handed out Moonpies and Jer handed our toothbrushes with sparkling toothpaste and I told the kids about eating Moonpies nearly 40 years ago and Jer told the kids that if they don’t brush their teeth now they are never going to get any dates. Most of the kids had rushed to the porch…
I was lying on my back yesterday in yoga class and thinking of everything that lies ahead instead of everything that has happened. I was thinking about my unborn child and suddenly felt vibrations that the baby was coming asap and I started crying and said to this creature – I’ve waited 50 years, you just hold on there and take your time, there is no need to hurry now. But the anxiety of the…
I remember sleeping near my niece’s crib when she was hooked to a heart monitor – she was premature to say the least. When it would go off like a siren in the night, my heart would stop and I’d get up and walk with her in my arms trying to calm her down. She was as tiny as a frog when she was born. I thought then she had set the bar high for…
The end of hurricane season, the beginning of the pagan new year, on the verge of losing my mother and meeting my child. My two big toenails lost to 12 hours of moon boots last Mardi Gras are finally growing back. Things are happening – we have ended a cycle and are beginning a new one. Our lives feel like something big is about to burst on the scene and yet we are relegated to…