My yoga instructor, Michelle, said agitation is good because it acts like a washing machine and pummels all the dirt as it cleanses. And agitated I have been, but through the agitation came a new clarity for us. Sartre said that genius is “not a gift, but the way a person invents in desperate circumstances” and Michelle told us, we must learn how to bend so we don’t break. It means be prepared to alter…
Okay, I’m done being sad. I want to move on. I want a baby, I want to be a mother, and I’m getting old. I want all of these boys in this picture sitting at my dining room table waiting for the macaroni and cheese. Oprah is want to say that failure is a way of saying you are on the wrong path. BULLSHIT. My motto is try again. But first grieve, then deep breath,…
I was walking Loca to the park this morning in a daze, and at the corner of Carrolton and City Park burst into tears. A friend was driving by taking her child to school and she rolled down the window and asked if I was okay and I blurted out the birthmother changed her mind. There wasn’t much she could do or I could say more than that so I kept walking into the park.…
Da Capo Take the used-up heart like a pebble and throw it far out. Soon there is nothing left. Soon the last ripple exhaust itself in the weeds. Returning home, slice carrots, onions, celery. Glaze them in oil before adding the lentils, water, and herbs. Then the roasted chestnuts, a little pepper, the salt. Finish with goat cheese and parsley. Eat. You may do this, I tell you, it is permitted. Begin again the story…
Last night, someone was telling me how to get in touch with a doctor who would prescribe me as much Vicodin or Xanax as I could ever want. Really? I thought. Why would I want access to all the Vicodin I could ever want? Today I was speaking to another friend about the day and the way the adoption was (not) going and he said in a manner of speaking that it would be okay.…
Last night we went to Chickie Wah Wah to hear Evan and the trio play, only the trio was minus James Singleton (sadly) and plus a guitar player and other bass player and later two young Japanese musicians. One of the Japanese musicians was a young very cute girl who had a tee shirt that said “Living Well is the Best Thing” – and today after conversing with a friend about our adoption taking a…
The babydaddy wants the baby even though he has no means to take care of her. The babymama is stuck in the midst of a quagmire in a relationship with a man who has addiction problems and no means to take care of a baby that he is now hell bent on killing a lot of people over if he doesn’t get. This is not to mention he does not support the son he has…
Tonight is a full moon – ah woo is all I have to say – Loca was psycho in the park this morning, I kept trying to run and every time, she would start barking with this squeaky irritating shrill noise. Then I just gave up and started fast walking. I wanted to go back around by the lagoon because alas, it’s March, and the pelicans will be leaving soon, but as we rounded the…
Today is officially Barbie’s 50th birthday and I spent the morning reading about how the West, namely, the United States, is the culprit for branding skinny and the world has responded with eating disorders, anorexia, bulemia, diets, and body hatred. Barbie’s body and lack of anatomy have been the subject of much vehement discussion about just this topic, but I think she has been vilified for no reason. I played with Barbies endlessly when I…
I try to describe my work days as having a feeling of accomplishment, but mostly what I gage as success is a moving target. I love interviewing and speaking to clients and of course, like some people, loathe administrative tasks. But one thing I overheard yesterday afternoon while I was ass up in my garden were two people riding by on their bicycles and one said to the other, “It’s just the same endless routine…