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We went to see Milk last night and Sean Penn was awesome. It was incredible to be watching this movie based on a true life story of a man who fought for gay rights in the late 70s – can this be true? That in 1978, politicians were trying to outlaw gays working in schools? It sounds so bizarre – almost like Civil Rights (1964) had to be fought for for a black person to enter the same doorway or sit in the same seating with a white – or that woman be allowed to vote (1919)?

Do you realize that this is 2008, almost 2009, and not but a few decades ago this was happening?

Okay, then maybe if all of this sounds so passé and we have come so far, what would you say about Proposition 8 and the right for gays to marry? Remember this, no matter who you are and what you believe, very soon, gays will have the right to marry and we will look back on this time (2008) with disbelief.

I had a virus and then a relapse and then a relapse and then another relapse and thought I was just going to go insane or sink into depression until I went online and found a medical website that said a virus can turn into a fungus and that you have to make an inhospitable home to both by either inhaling hydrogen peroxide or taking a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar three times a day. I started on the vinegar last night out of sheer desperation and by the third dose, I felt a zillion times better. Maybe I was on my way out of it or maybe it was the vinegar but THANK GOD IT IS OVER.

We’re in our usual end of the year downward spiral – the one that starts around Thanksgiving for mom and circles downward till well after the new year. There’s the black eye, the missing two teeth, and now the cold. There’s also the denial that her $10K dental work can be covered some by Medicare if she works it right but NO she doesn’t want that and she doesn’t have $10K. A perplexing dilemma.

Much like our parents didn’t have a What to Expect When You’re Expecting guide when they were young, we don’t have a What to Expect From Aging Parents guide now that they are old. The problem is that sure you can’t get a two year old child to eat his peas but you can contain and curtail some of the acting out – with a 72 year old woman, you’re fucked.

There’s fear, paranoia, anxiety, and just plain obstinence and of course, anger and frustration to boot. A whole laundry list of emotional baggage with a big whopping dose of reality and let’s not forget no money. There was no planning for old age now compounded with a real denial that old age is irrevocably here.

What’s a daughter to do? I suspect take drugs, drink, fly away, or just face the facts – it ain’t pretty.

Arlene Star, Arlene the Bean, Arlenoush, Arlenushka, Beanmush has grown old, four months shy of her 14th birthday, we are witnessing the rapid decline.

Her anxiety reached a high pitch as the pacing picked up, the incontinence hastened, the running into objects intensified a couple of nights ago. The vet prescribed anti anxiety pills. We tried one and she was almost comatose and punch-drunk twelve hours later. So we gave her half last night and it was worse as she stumbled in her pacing, and became more anxious than before till we gave her the other half and rubbed her to be calm.

Arlene – my lucky Star – you will take a piece of me when you go…

I was having dinner the other night with two girlfriends – catching up on lost time – one of them told me about this video, about two men who purchased a lion cub they saw in a cramped cage at Harrod’s and how they brought it home, but a year later, the cub became a lion and so they decided to bring it back to Africa to let it out into the wild.

Then they wanted to see the lion and contacted the guy who is part of the Born Free foundation to help them find him. They were told the lion had established his own pride and probably wouldn’t remember them. See for yourself.

While the rest of the world is stymied from weather, we here in New Orleans are enjoying a warm tropical Christmas. I woke around 6:30 am hearing Arlene pacing and jumped up to take her out back to pee. It was just barely morning and from over the fence I saw my two neighbor kids flying in the air – Santa brought them a trampoline!

Then T and I walked Loca through the park this morning in shorts and a tee shirt and my Santa hat was making me a little too warm. Loca ran and jumped and shucked and dived and came home to find her friend Sangi in front of the house and started a whole new round of jumping and playing. Friends came inside and I made them Turkish cay.

Then I grabbed my hula hoop and went on the bayou to twirl and dance to the sounds of Christmas music I cranked and the neighbors came out, one with his unicycle he had gotten for Christmas, and the other practicing her handstands with her mom.

Ah, Christmas in Paradise – look close at the two pelicans in the tree.

Mom broke two teeth and now is faced with having the rest extracted and getting a denture – anathema she believes. So she’s not leaving the house. Her 73rd birthday is this Sunday, the last of the eight days of Hanukkah, and despite all the cajoling and assuring, she refuses to budge from her reclusiveness.

So we brought a muffaletta and some soup and went to visit her today. She also had a black eye from a recent fall. Not having the best of holiday luck.

It’s hard to say what makes you love a person you don’t understand – is just being a biological mother enough to inspire love? Then what about the other feelings – the ones that make you want to run to Mexico and never look back?

So what is in store for me, for us, as mothers, or babymamas as we are now being referred to?

Y’all have read about me wondering aloud most of the time why I’m so blessed. I just want to take a moment to tell those right now who don’t feel blessed this season, that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

When I was taking the birthmother of our child home and driving along Earhart Expressway, she said, it is unbelievable Obama got elected, and I said, yeah, Bush was that bad, America was ready to vote for a woman or a black man, and that’s bad! We laughed.

But this is the dawning of the age of optimism, and it starts first by all of us who have, recognizing those who don’t and giving of ourselves even if its just a smile – because we all could use a little mercy now:

I’ve been talking to a lot of my friends and family about our baby who is on the way in June. And a few of them, including my mom, have voiced their concern about private adoption. It’s risky, they say. And I said you’re right. This woman could change her mind at the last minute they warn, and I say you’re right. Anything could happen they tell me, and I say you’re right. You don’t know why this person is doing this, and I say you’re right.

The only thing we have is faith. The way we see it, the reward outweighs the risk.